Tuesday, 27 December 2011

10 Years and Running

When was my life changed? According to fortune-telling, my bad luck was until 19-year-old.

Watching some 90's music videos, it reminds me of my teenager and I feel I aged now.

The summer of 2002, I went to England and it was the first time to go abroad. Everything was shine and fascinating. If I was son of a rich family, I could have gone back to England for studying English.

After graduating from university, working in university hospital for 3 years was one of my turning points. Colleagues are really clever and I could experience lots of things within 3 years because normally most radiographers take for 10 years.

Another turning point was the life in London. This experience made my vision wider. 2 and half years were meaningful. I could know what the world standard is.

Now I'm retrieving the sense and skill I've forgotten through working in two clinics. I am registered on HPC as a Radiographer and the only thing I have to do is to find a job in England. This is the highest mountain I must climb.

Dreaming come true or settling down in the countryside. Everything is depending on my decision.

Thursday, 22 December 2011

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!

Wish all a happy holiday season and a wonderful new year!

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Let The Music Play!

1年前のこの時期は、英語の試験で目標点数が取れたこともあり、Radiographerのイギリスでの申請準備をしていた。あれから1年、いろいろな積み重ねがあり、やっと「Register」というところまでやってきた。日本での臨床経験もこの審査に含まれているため、6年がかりの大きな第一歩と言える。

日本での生活に慣れると、世界中探してもこんなに便利な場所はないと感じる。現在の円高も考えれば、時が熟すまで日本で準備することもひとつの手だったとは思う。しかし、自分の中には「35才:新しいことに対応できる最後の年齢」というリミットがあり、30才を目前にしている自分にとっては、あまり時間がない。「2年間の超音波検査のトレーニング受ける」という選択肢もあったが、「今しかできないこと」を考え「海外での挑戦」を取った。

まだまだインプットしないといけないことは限りなくあるけれど、1日1日を積み重ねていくことが唯一の解決策だと思う。

毎日、朝から晩まで忙しいけれど、必ずや自分の夢を叶えてみせる。

I've never been more alone than here
I turn and face my darkest fear
I just got to keep on keeping on

And when it all comes crashing down
Listen to the sound

Saturday, 3 December 2011

My rehabilitation!

土曜の午前中は、消化器系の開業医でエコー、CT、単純撮影のバイト。

移動を挟んで、午後はこれから脳クリニックで頭部・脊体のMRIと単純撮影のバイト。

3年も臨床から離れている自分にとって、感覚を取り戻すためのとてもいいバイト。

あと半年、英語で医療の勉強をしながら、いろいろな忘れていたことを取り戻そう!

Friday, 11 November 2011

11.11.11

I am working at 3 places in Nov & Dec and it's 6 days in a week. I really enjoy this busy life and I am happy that I can manage my schedule perfectly. Every time I think, I need stimulation to keep myself up. Cosy life is bad for me!

The assessment of radiographer license reaches at the final stage. I must pay attention for it like airplane is landing.

Friday, 21 October 2011

State-of-the-art

Since I got iPad2 a week ago, my life has been changed dramatically.

The tablet connects me to the internet world more and more, and I am feeling that it is quite addictive.

However, Apple's application soft & iCloud make me surprise.

Anatomy application soft let me learn efficiently and I had never imagined this function when I was a university student a decade ago.

iCloud also shows me the next stage of possibilities on the internet.

I think that some will rely on it more and others can not handle it anymore.

Sunday, 9 October 2011

29-year-old Resolution

I would like to progress to the next stage by 30-year-old.

This next stage means that I can be able to work in hospital as a radiographer in the UK.

I have been waiting for the result of the assessment even though the staff told me to send the result ASAP when I called to the institution two weeks ago.

It is really tough time now.

When I left London, I had a plan, which is to go back to England in June 2012. However, I lost myself through living in Japan.

October is the half way point of my plan.

I want to build up my medical knowledge using iPad2's application.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

I finally decided to buy ipad2

I was moved by Steve Jobs' speech.

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.



"I am honoured to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College [Portland, Oregon] after the first six months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned Coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and sans serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But 10 years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz [Steve Wozniak] and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2bn company with over 4,000 employees. We had just released our finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling-out. When we did, our board of directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down – that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologise for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over. I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, some day you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "no" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7.30 in the morning and it clearly showed a tumour on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for "prepare to die". It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumour. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful, but purely intellectual, concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but some day not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And, most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called the Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of the Whole Earth Catalog, and then, when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words "Stay hungry. Stay foolish". It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay hungry. Stay foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Belief

I knew how to enjoy life through living in LDN.

It was priceless experience and that memories are still shining in my heart .

Current working place is the worst place for me and I had got lost on my way to my goal for a while.

But now, I came to think how happy I am because I will be able to see the light from this hardship.

I was lucky to know my weak point from mistakes in the job.

All I have to do is to shut my senior noisy colleagues up!

Monday, 19 September 2011

Feeling conflicted

Countless amazing days in London, but unexpected stressful lives in Japan.

Most friends I met in London are rich, but I am poor.

Some of them went to master degree in the UK, but I am saving some money in a horrible working place in Japan.

Is there hope in Japan? I definitely can say "NO"!

However, I believe that the hope is in my heart.

How many times did I overcome past fucking hardships?

I am really proud of myself while having modest mind.

So I can make it through as usual.

Music saves my life!

Saturday, 17 September 2011

Fatigue

In the end, I could figure out where my tiredness does come from in these days.

In working place, I have been suffered from mental stress by senior colleagues.

It is a simple reason that they really love to interfere with someone.

Now I am the target unfortunately.

This is one of Japanese bad culture and it reminds me of how easy to work outside of Japan except for Racism.

I prefer living outside while feeling like laissez-faire to living here until late 40s.

The life in Japan does not suit me.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Reminiscence

Listening Oasis song on youtube, suddenly I came to miss London. I must be tired in these days.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

What is the best present for my friends' wedding?

I'm going to Tokyo from 22nd Sep to see my friends. We're having drink and celebrate the engagement(It's not a wedding party). Now me and my friend are thinking about the present. I really love the process!!!

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Short Break

In these days, I had just read books. Other than that, I've had nothing to do.

Yesterday, I borrow a book written in Haruki Murakami from a library and I'm enjoying his book after a long interval.

There're plenty of books I'd like to meet, but I need to keep distance from specialized books for a while. Yes, novels suit me now!

August is gone, and welcome a nostalgic season.

Monday, 22 August 2011

Feeling Autumn for a while

In these days, the temperature suddenly downs to under 30 °C. And today, it was heavy rain in the morning. So transportation in my prefecture was not working and some places were chaotic.

At the night, all gone and silent. While drinking DITA with orange juice at outside of my house, I was feeling melancholy.

It'll be over 30 °C tomorrow. Welcome back, Summer!

Friday, 19 August 2011

Enthusiastic

This week in Japan, we could watch a TV program named "Sense of Sound" which a music teacher made a movement in a local secondary school. It was broadcasted at BBC2 in 2007.

At the beginning of watching the program, I just wanted to practise listening skill and I didn't keen on chorus. However, the more knowing students' effort and growth, the teacher's hardship, and group dynamics, the more I got into.

Especially, when I knew the saddest story that one of youngest chorus members had Hodgkin's disease, it struck me. He was just 13-year-old at the moment, but he got a cancer in last Christmas. Although all sports and activities he wanted were restricted, he was really tough and a positive thinker. Only singing a song was allowed for him and he enjoyed it. I was inspired a lot by his mentality and I considered what my life is.

This story reminded me of the life in the university hospital I used to work in Japan. I have remembered that most leukemia patients were young age. Having the disease was not their faults, but they had to fight against it. That was the hardest part for me to see young innocent patients suffered from it.

I am not a doctor and clever. However, I believe that there is something I can do for them.

I'm gonna take action!




Wednesday, 17 August 2011

iPod touch 5!?

In these days, I was struggling to buy a smartphone. However, it came to be unnecessary in the end.

I just want to use it as a mp3 player and small PC and I don't need the telephone function.

Yesterday, it was occured to me that iPod touch suits me! I searched it at the drop of a hat and I caught a new release rumor in September.

I will keep my eyes out.

Tuesday, 16 August 2011

I'm an amateure pianist!!!

When I went to an electric shop today, I met a few foreigners. Soon I asked them about their home countries and I knew that they are all English teachers who came to Japan using "Jet Project".

One of them was playing Piano at the electric shop. I was really inspired and I decided to upload my video on my weblog.

Practically, I must need more practice, but it was not bad as the first step.

Monday, 15 August 2011

Half A Year and The 66th Anniversary of War's End

Today, just half a year has passed since I came back to Japan.

I have not been able to get used to Japanese culture and I only knew the rule. In fact, it is more than enough for me to have comparisons between Japan and England. I am so happy that I became the one who is able to have a choice. No one can criticise my future anymore.

Through living in Japan, I must think about deteriorating of my English skill. Because I believe that the ability in English depends on how much hard you study it.

Largely, I am lack of effort.

On the other hand, I have read lots of books more than I expected and I am also keeping a reading diary. Seising knowledge and wisdom from books is that I can spend my time wisely.

Knowledge is Power!

今年は「療養の期間」としているため、時間があるときは市立図書館で勉強したり、面白い本を探して空いた時間を「Input」に充てている。ある時偶然に、竹村健一の『例外的日本人』という本を見つけた。何人かの若い活動家と著者である竹村健一さんとの対談が本になっているだけのものだけれど、その中に「若き日の野口健」さんがいた。

その本の中で唯一知っているということもあり、野口健さんの本を何冊か読んだ。アルピニストだけだと思っていたけれど、僕の知識が浅はかなだけで清掃活動家・遺骨収集活動等、「Noblesse Oblige」の人で、近い世代で尊敬できる人だと知った。

先日彼の著書「それでも僕は「現場」に行く」を読み終わり、その中に出てくる「見ることは知ること。知ることは同時に背負うこと」には、僕も同意見だ。

僕はもう30近い年齢だけれど、若者に向けて書かれた「確かに生きる~10代へのメッセージ~」という同じく野口健さんの著書から、印象に残った文章を載せて終わりにしたいと思います。今日はちょうど終戦記念日でもあり、旧日本軍戦没者の遺骨調査・収集活動をしている彼の本から言葉を借りるのはいい機会ではないでしょうか。

以下の文章は、世界的な冒険家・植村直己さんがマッキンリーで消息を絶つ直前にミネソタの野外学校で子供たちに話した言葉だそうです。

君たちに僕の考えを話そう。
僕らが子どもの頃、目に映る世界は新鮮で、すべてが新しかった。
やりたい事は何でもできた。
ところが年をとってくると疲れてくる。
人々は諦めみんな落ち着いてしまう。
世界の美しさを見ようとしなくなってしまう。
大部分の人は、夢を失っていくんだよ。
でも、僕はいつまでも子どもの心を
失わずにこの世に生きようと思う。
不思議なもの、すべての美しいものを見るためにも・・・
いいかい、君たちはやろうと思えば何でもできる。
僕と別れた後もその事を思い出してほしい。
やろうと思えば何でもできるんだ。


Sunday, 14 August 2011

Prestigious!!!

I came home from Kobe yesterday and I had a good short trip.

ESP, the Sushi (Photo below) were the best taste I've ever had!

Left : Conger. It was melted in my mouth.
Right : Prawn with Sudachi (kind of citrus)
The combination of taste was amazing!

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Congratulations national Football team!

I watched the football match Japan vs KFC yesterday. Japan defeated 3-0 and it was great victory. I feel so good!

Today, I'm seeing my friends in Kobe in 3 years. It's also gonna be great!

Have a nice お盆(Obon) vacation!

This has definitely been the UK national anthem for the last 3 days

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

London's Burning

My friend told me the situation of riot in Tottenham. Bastards just broke everything and stole TVs, PCs and clothes etc...

Is it worth a try to live in the UK if I can work as a medical staff?

Absolutely, I am be able to say Yes. I think that working in England is just the first step of my future plan and my goal as a medical staff is to work in the United State. I just want to make a career and practise English.

If not, I'll work in Columbia as JICA staff.

It's a cool university students' music video! Sunday=Sundae!

Monday, 8 August 2011

The capability of dealing with different environment

During summer in Europe except for Portugal and Spain, they do not need Air Conditioner because of the dry weather. I had got used to that life style and I spent times in park after school for relax when I was in LDN.

In Japan, however, the temperature is over 30 degree C and very humid in these days. What is more, there are plenty of cold rooms everywhere. Unfortunately, it seems that my body rejects cold wind from Air Conditioner and I do not know how many times I did get diarrhea because of this.

Now I have headache and I might be getting summer cold again.
I would like to run away to LDN in the period of Japanese summer.

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life.

Sunday, 7 August 2011

OMG! What happened in Tottenham!?

It's quite close to the place I used to live in LDN.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2023254/Tottenham-riots-North-London-flames-Mark-Duggan-shooting.html

Saturday, 6 August 2011

New PC!

I set up two PCs yesterday.

I came to be able to keep my weblog up! It means that writing practice has restarted.

I got a message from a landlady in LDN and it is said that a new assessment of Radiographer license in the UK will be taken two months. I can wait for the result!

When there darkness, I'll shine a light
And mirrors of success reflect in me

I saw the light
At the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow
And faith was right there
To pull me through, yeah
Used to be locked doors
Now I can just walk on through

Friday, 5 August 2011

Still having a bad year, but it's gonna be a great in 2012!

I'm being surrounded by countless unluck in 2011 . Everytime I experience uncontrollable situations even if I pay attention a lot. I wish I could look for many my advantages from the nightmare lives and seize chances in 2012.

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifty percent concentrated power of will, five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain, and a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

Tuesday, 19 July 2011

10 years ago

I found an old laptop PC, but it was used 10 years ago.

So everything is very slow and I'm irritated.

Now I'm reading books named 深夜特急(Shinya Tokkyu:Midnight Express) written by Kotaro Sawaki.

It might be good for me to spend time without the internet for a few months.

Sunday, 17 July 2011

Insomnia

I'm watching repeated Argentina vs Uruguay match in Copa 2011 and gonna watch Nadeshiko Japan's final from 4AM.

Tomorrow, this PC I'm using will be replaced to my young sisters's house. So I won't be able to keep my weblog up.

I'll restart when I get a new PC.
Thank you for reading my weblog until now!

I'm also reading my weblog written in one year ago. At that moment, I was in LDN and experiencing countless priceless things.

Time has passed very quickly and Life is Short...

May everyone have happy lives!

Saturday, 16 July 2011

The Pianist

I have a pain in my neck. I guess it's caused of yesterday's swimming. I can't do anything from morning today.

Then, a good idea occurred to me! Yesterday I bought a piano tab. My young sister recommended me to play "Nocturne No.20" and "Ballade No.1 in G minor Op.23". Both of them are written by Chopin. I tried it, but it's sooooo hard to play and I changed my mind.

I'm a big fan of "Cinema Paradiso". I determined to master playing the theme song by piano.

In past 5 years, I think that our lives became convenient dramatically. I could download the tab on the internet in a few seconds and it made me think deeply about the usage of virtual shops.

IL PUNK NON E MORTO

Blink 182's new single is below. It's not already Punk...

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Congratulations!

Japan reached the final of the FIFA Women’s World Cup for the first time with a deserved 3-1 win over a Sweden side who had previously won every match they had played at Germany 2011.

I'm an invincible

Yesterday, I posted the documents to the UK, but later, I remembered that I forgot to enclose a cover letter. From then on, I did the best to solve this problem as much as I could.

From the tracking number, the envelope had been transported to a different branch of post office and I called the the branch to ask the situation.

Fortunately, I could stop the process before being sent to an airport but I had to go to that branch in another city directly.

A clock was showing almost 11 PM, I drove to the city.

In the end, I could add the cover letter without extra fee but it was really hard work. Because I had also negotiated about this problem with the registration department of HPC and I worked from 6AM on that day.

Regarding this year's fortune-telling, I must pay attention than usual. There are 6 months left in 2011. How many times will I deal with problems...

A small mistake is gonna be a big problem.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Children's potential capacity

The most surprising thing I felt through playing with my nephew was children's learning ability.

From my experience, my nephew didn't know how to open a pencil case at the beginning. Then, he prattled me to open this. Actually, I was so surprised when he asked me with his words.

If I reject his demand, he will be in sulk. So I had to show the way in front of him and soon he tried it. He could do that easily on the first try, what's more, he was able to close the pencil case finally.

I couldn't imagine the end and I could define that this is children.Children have unlimited possibilities and we could see their rapid growth.

As for the rest, parents must realise that they are grabbing their children's steering wheel.

Monday, 11 July 2011

Compensation

My nephew has gone back to his home. There is silence in my house and I really miss him.

I'm an oldest son of the family, but I still think I haven't played a role for a long time. So playing with my nephew is only my duty. If young brother's family can relax for a while, I would be happy.

My young brother is a really clever guy and he wanted to be a doctor. Of course he took medical school's entrance exams twice. Unfortunately, he couldn't pass, but my parents really proud of him.

On the other hand, how about me? I used to work a famous hospital and earned nice salary compared with the same generation, but it's past. I have nothing now and I am disgusted with myself sometimes.

In near future, in any case, I'll get the document from a translation company and post them to the UK. If I can get the lisence of the UK, then working VISA of the UK as next step, what's more, resident VISA of the UK finally, soon I'd like to go to NYC. There're many places I want to go.

Some might say "You're an idealist". However, this is my dream and I realise that it's the long and winding road.

If not all of them, I'll work serously at least 3 years in Japan.

Changing the life is extremely hard.

Sunday, 10 July 2011

The burden of Asian

At The Women's World Cup, Japan triumphed German. I really proud of them because Japan is the only Asian team on the tournament and they're overcoming lots of disadvantages through the matches.

Most professional sports, there're Caucasian and Black people. I believe that Japanese people are able to break the mold and be a pioneer as the first Asian.

When I lived in LDN, I felt countless disadvantages as one of Asian. Those are caused by history, other Asian's behaviours(Chinese and Korean) and appearance, etc...

As a result, lots of Japanese people choose to live in only Japan because there is no racial discrimination and it's really convenient life everywhere compared with Europe.

However, it's boring for me to settle down. The stereotype won't be changed unless someone break the mold. We have a choice, so I'm gonna try!

In any case, I was so excited at their achievement!

video

Saturday, 9 July 2011

A Little Monster

Nephew is using PC.
video

My English teacher's daughter and son are coming on 10th July in Japan. The teacher said "It's the first trip for them to go out from The US and they'll stay in Japan for 5 weeks. I'm excited to see them, but also very nervous. Can they fit in Japanese style such as how to get a train, etc..."

If I have a chance to meet them, I'm gonna post how Japanese and American teenager are different.

Friday, 8 July 2011

Uncle Hide

Today, my young brother's family came home and we are having fantastic time.

ESP, nephew is adorable!!!

My colleagues are petty-minded and I hardly respect them recently. They are also jealous of my dream and I've experienced their guileful bully. I know the reason and it's very simple. I can communicate with other staff but they can not. Practically, They can only complain.

In Japan, person like me is gonna be out of the group. However, I don't care. Because I'm thinking about what the world standard is.

So the case of my previous boss as well. He can not admit my growth and is only able to drag me down.

They're all small people.

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Busy days

Yesterday was a really long day. I started to work from 6:30AM including move and it's around 9:30pm when I got home. My bus driver scratched a police car by our bus in the morning when he was following a guard at a working place. I thought it's not my fault and we only talked to an area manager at the time. However, my judgement was wrong! In Japan, there is "Joint Responsibility" even though I was just watching the driver's k-turn. So I should have reported to my supervisor about this soon after the scratch happened.

I also knew another mistake today. Actually, more than 350 people were not supposed to come yesterday and I was unlucky. I must learn a lesson and will never do it again. Finally, I'm proud of myself that I did my best even though I had had poor health.

Today, I went to library to ask about a book I ordered before going to Aeon. Librarians told me "We called you twice and left a message, but you didn't come.". I asked them again to show me the order and list because I haven't caught a call yet.

Soon it's clear. One of staff typed the wrong number on the list, when he/she copied it.

In these days, I'm living surrounded by a lot of bad luck. It is impossible for me to control these, and I have to manage problems every time.

All I can do is just to keep myself to myself.

Someday, I'd like to have time like the lyrics of a video below.

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

A Step Forward

Sleeping on a bed all day with a summer cold, and I lost 2 kg. I think it's the best way to lose weight!

When I came back to Japan, my weight was 80kg. But now it declined to 73kg! I've almost reached the halfway point of my goal, and I'd like to lose 8kg from now! I'm gonna continue to do my best in the second half.

Monday, 4 July 2011

A Summer cold

I got a headache, diarrhea, and nausea....
What weak my body is....



Sunday, 3 July 2011

6 months more.

Going to a swimming pool to lose my weight, Watching a football match once per month, Reading lots of books, Studying medicine and English, and Saving some money. This is my routine work until the end of this year, then I'm gonna move on. During this recuperation period, I must be patient from the difference between Japanese and Western culture. It's extremely hard for me...

In Sep, my friends couple are getting married. They're doctor's couple but not snobbish. They're so clever and funny that I really respect them. I met fiancee when I was working at Starbucks in LDN. After that, we were keeping in touch and met in Japan and LDN with her fiance again.

Now I'm thinking waht I can do something surprise for them. Last year, I played guitar at my Columbian friend's wedding. Next time, do I have to play piano?



Saturday, 2 July 2011

In Clinical Practice

What is the most wonderful time of the day?

In these days, sultry days have continued and it makes me tired. However, it becomes confortable weather at the night. My wonderful time of the day is lying on the grass in my house while drinking lemonade with Martini and smoking Philip Morris in the evening. I can relax and indulge in reminiscences of the day. I know that smoking is nothing good for our health and lying on the grass looks strange in Japan.

I'm a medical staff. If there was class society in Japan, I could be a middle class and would stay my home town. Because I can reach Tokyo less than 2 hours from here and hang around with my friends once per month. In fact, Japan has the smallest gap between rich and poor in the world and the reason is the salary system named Nenko-Jorestu(年功序列), which is the promotion by seniority. It's unfair...

An image below is a MRI image of Ovarian Tumor(I took from google image).

Regarding Ovarian Tumor, there are three types of ovarian tumors,which are Epithelial cell tumors, Germ cell tumors, and Stromal tumors. Notably, most benign ovarian tumors cause no symptoms. Therefore, it's sudden for patients to be diagnosed.

It was second time to see this case. I did ultrasound in field of gynecology today as the first time and I found this. It's a really tough exam for me and a doctor helped me. I realised that Sonography is a very usefull exam practically and I really want to be a Sonographer.

I must keep studying Medicine and English!!!


Friday, 1 July 2011

Second Chance

On my way to the university hospital in Kanagawa after work today, my bullet train was stuck by the heavy rain between Mishima and Odawara station. As a result, I was late for 1 hour to arrive at the hospital and the boss had already gone when I got there.

I abandon to ask about the document and went to post office to send with my document. However, I couldn't give up to get the signed document because my future is dependent on the document.

So I canceled to post and went back to the hospital to talk to the director of personnel department. He told me the difference between Japanese and Western culture firstly, then he sympathised my case and gave me advice.

Also, I confirmed the deadline about the verification letter to HPC staff and I knew that the day is until the beginning of Aug. I had thought that it's the end of next week, but it was just my mistake.

Small hope saved my life and I realised that I was standing on the edge at the time. (Actually, I am living on the edge at every moment.)

Before going back to my hometown, I went to Tokyo to meet my friend. Although it was very short stay(1 hour) and I couldn't see Tom(Austrian), she met me. I really appreciate her kindness and I hope that I'd like to take her out to a nice restaurant next time.

I am working in a small clinic tmr. The salary is nice and I can make career.

Hang in there!

A great cover of Senteria by Sublime!

Thursday, 30 June 2011

LIVE FA$T DIE FUN!

I got MARTINI today and it's delicious with lemonade.

I had close-cropped hair... as apology!?

June is almost finished and July is just around the corner.

I got an e-mail from Austrian friend and he is coming to Tokyo on his business trip.

I'm gonna Kanagawa tmr and we might to be able to see each other with our friends.

Tmr is gonna be the busy day for me.

Wednesday, 29 June 2011

I know it ain't easy but that's okay!

Sometimes,
I wish I was stronger,
I wish I could feel no pain,
I wish I was smart,
I wish I had power,
I wish I could change the world...

Regarding the verification letter, I knew my fuckin' stupid previous boss has disturbed the process. On 1st of July, I'm gonna Tokai University Hospital to ARGUE... Oh sorry, not argue, I'm gonna talk to The Personnel Department staff first, then I'll meet the idiot. This is like my last breathe. Who knows the result? Maybe only God knows my future... I don't wanna be broken my future by small person's EGO.

This song is my favorite song and the theme song of a movie "Coach Carter", which is a nonfiction basketball story. Everytime this reminds me of "What is the Power of Dream?". The lyric is beautiful as well!


And another video below is also one scene of the movie. It's an amazing quote!!!


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Samuel L. Jackson stars in this inspiring true story of Coach Ken Carter.

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

MARTINI



Since I came back to Japan, I haven't drunk with Martini. It was easy to get it in LDN and I want to... However, in my home town, it's countryside, I couldn't find it everywhere. Then, yesterday I ordered one bottle on the internet as a first step. All I have to do is to wait with expectation!

Today, I knew that I had been embroiled in supervisor's mistake. It was not my fault, but most staff blamed me because I'm a young staff. It means that they can not tell her directly. I loathe this weak Japanese mentality and I felt that what small people they are.

Bloody Hell!!!

Now I am studying Sonography by myself step by step. Well, I will leave from here soon and go back in medical practice. Here is not my field I want to work for Patients.

A good skateboarding video with cool music!

Monday, 27 June 2011

British Summer!

Festival season has just started from last weekend in England!

I really miss last summer because I could become a teenager! It reminded me of I was 19 when it was the first time to visit England and to take part in the real Festival in 2002. That experience changed my life absolutely and took me out to England again in 2008.

Watching some videos of 2010, I remembered the fantastic summer in my life. I got some special friends,too. I really miss...

video

It's nice boobies at the end!

Sunday, 26 June 2011

Creative thought or Factual knowledge?

In my English class on Thursday, me and classmate were talking about "Which is more important, creative thought or factual knowledge?". This question came from an article from BBC website.

It was a really interesting topic for me. Because my job, ESP Sonography, is related to both of them. In medical area, firstly, the diagnosis, examination, and nursing etc... are based on pppppplenty of factual knowledge and we are dealing with each treatments while caring about patient's condition, medical history, and body type etc...

Regarding Sonography, I suspect some kind of diseases before the screening, and I will be eliminating some from the suspections corresponding to factual knowledge while I am screening the patient's body. In the screening, I am also useing Creative thought because organs' location is not the same place every patients. This means that I can not do the exam smoothly unless I always think about what is happening and where it is. The level of exam difficulty is also influenced by patient's condition. So this is the most hardest examination, and I really want to master this technique.

Working in medical area is never boring for me and I really love this field.

We are one people. We are equal. You are wonderful and rare.

Saturday, 25 June 2011

Books

"The day I cry" is 泣いた日 written by 阿部 勇樹 who is a Japanese Football player. He describes his growth through meeting people, overcoming hardships and his family. I had thought that most professional sports players have really strong mentalities normally. In case of him, however, he didn't have even though his career has started since he was 16. He said in this book that his mentality was very weak at the beginning, then it developed after meeting Ivica Osim who was a previous manager of Japanese national team.

As I see it, these 3 books, "心を整える" "日本男児" "泣いた日", say that you must make an effort as much as you can if you want to attain your goal. I was inspired by them and I'm gonna continue to study English until I can talk with native speakers completely.

Today I went to a bookshop in a big city because I wanted to buy a medical book. I bought 3 books in the end, but I was there for more than 1 hour to look for fascinated books. I think, in these days, library and bookshop are like a treasure island for me. The reason why I love to read books is that I can get knowledge and wisdom from them, and they would change my life better. Anyway, the medical book was really expensive. So I hope that the knowledge taking from the book will repay as an additional salary someday.

It's lovely British Accent in the begining of this video!

When you look with your eyes, Everything seems nice...
But, if you look twice, you can see it's all lies!

Friday, 24 June 2011

A Laissez Faire System

"Tiger Mother" is the worst book I've ever read. The author is telling her Chinese style of child education in her book, but I think that there are no children's right. In her idea, children are like a puppet of parents and they must obey the rules as a slave. I loathe this radical idea because I grew up with this. However, the author did it with her self-confidence.

I think, this is just how to brainwash Children. I've never felt how clever she is even though she has a great status. If she had mixed good education styles of both cultures which are Asian and Western, it would have been brilliant.

In my opinion, child education is no obligation. The most important thing is to encourage their curiosity and creativity, and to give them plenty of chances what they want while believing children's potential.

I know, I'm still being a single, but one day when I become dad, I'd love to cultivate children's talent!

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Trying to reach the higher level

Today, I wanted to rent "深夜特急" written by Kotaro Sawaki, but there're no left in library. So I bought two books named "Tiger Mother" and "the day I cry" instead. I will comment about these in near future.

Recently, I have posted articles almost everyday and it means that I haven't kept my English diary. Today I filled in all empy pages. This English diary started from Jan 2008 and has been written in English since Jun 2008. The purpose was simple. I just wanted to improve my English while doing this. I know, more than 3 years has passed since I started, but my level of English remains constant. The reason I feel so is that I don't know native expressions and no one check my writings. There is no future...

Yesterday, I watched the match Date against Williams. It was really close to win and I was so proud of her. In professional sports, most players are Black and Caucasian. Asian players are rare. In this match, audiences were white, then Black and Asian players fought each other on the court. I was also impressed the situation that there was overflowingly standing ovations in the end.

What a beautiful world!!!

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Anything But Ordinary

最近、「何故楽な日本を選ばず、大変な海外での生活を望むのか」という夢をよく見て、うなされて目が覚める。たしかに大学の友人の中には、結婚して家まで建てている者までいるし、自分もイギリスに行かなければ、同じような生活をしていたと思う。けれど、どこで歯車が狂い始めたのか(僕個人的には「運命」だと思う)、海外で日本人から距離を置き生活をすることによって、「開けてはいけないパンドラの箱」を開けてしまった形になった。

これについて僕は全く後悔していないけれど、日本にいることがこんなに辛くなるとは思いもしなかった。何回かこの原因をBlogに書いたけれど、一番大きなことは「人間味=Classic」が今の日本に欠けていると、昨日自分の作ったVarification Letterを添削してもらいながらイーオンのアメリカ人の先生と話し合った。

20年前の日本は、今よりも近所付き合いが多くて、バブル経済がハジけた影響は否定できないけれど、今みたいに大きなディスカウントショップが乱立しているわけではなく、昔ながらの老舗の肉屋や魚屋がいっぱいあり、そこが人をつなげる場所だった。ロンドンの病院で働いていた時に、ベルギーで駐在員をされている方と話す機会があったけれど、ベルギーにはユーロスターのブリュッセル駅に唯一スターバックスがあるだけで、他のコーヒーショップはローカルなものしかないそうだ。これは、伝統や文化を守るために行っていると教えてもらった。アメリカ人の先生も「コストコという超大型のディスカウントショップがアメリカに乱立し人々のつながりが疎遠になったように、今の日本でも同じようなことが起きている」と指摘した。先生にとって、スーパーで出会った、背中の曲がったおばあちゃんとのひと時の会話が、「Classic」で「古き良き日本を見た」とまた教えてくれた。

日本は本当に「物」の分野においては豊かになった。けれど、やっぱり「心」の部分は途上国以下だと思う。ちょうど1年前のコロンビアの女の子とフローティングしていた時期に言われた、「あんたはいつも笑っていてフレンドリーで、心の冷たい日本人じゃない」というコメントがすべてではないかと思う。(英語の試験に追われ、関係は発展せず)「たまごっち」やアニメのおかげで彼らは日本の文化に興味があるけれど、「語学学校で出会う多くの日本人の冷たさに、がっかりして日本人が嫌いになった」と教えてくれた。

今日の夕方は、ジメジメした湿気はなく、一通り落ち着いた英語の書類と、ここのところの忙しさの終わりを祝ってくれるような心地のよい風が吹いた。幸運にして、家に芝生が生えているところがあるため寝転がって1年前のロンドンでの日々を思い出した。1年前は、午前中は仕事して、午後に語学学校行って、その後コーヒーショップで勉強の毎日。試験を受けなければいけないストレスから、たまに一人で公園に行ってビール飲んだり昼寝したりしてた。大変だったけれど、「生きている」ことを感じることができ本当に最高の時だった☆

1年ぶりに吸ったタバコはうまかったけれど、体に悪いからこれ1本で終わり。
Chose your friends, Chose your future, Chose life...
この言葉に尽きる。

Monday, 20 June 2011

「資格」の穏健と、自分のチャレンジ

「短いスパンでお金を貯めたい」と考えるようになって、あえて安い給料で我慢して実家を拠点に仕事をすることにしたけれど、今日東京都の放射線技師の求人を探してみると、すごい求人数がありびっくりした。世間では仕事がないと言われている中、「資格」というのは不景気の時にはこんなにも強いものなのかと初めて知った。

先週土曜日の昼過ぎ、実家から20分ほど離れた少し大きな街で行われた勉強会に参加してきた。勉強会の内容は、渡英前の当時(2008年)働いていた大学病院でやっていたようなことを、3年遅れで地方の勉強会でやっている感じで、つまらなかったため途中で帰った。そこで思ったことは、今後10年・20年先を予想した自分の放射線技師としての仕事内容だった。どんどん「ハイテク化」していく医療機器は、最終的に機械が検査をしてくれるため、誰でも同じような検査ができてしまう。これは、自分の職種価値が下がることにつながると予想できるため、機械では絶対にどうすることもできない「ローテク」なもの(凄い時間をかけて得る技術)を自分の武器として身に付ける必要があると強く思った。

幸運なことに、ロンドンの病院で働いた時に身に付けた「超音波」の検査はそれに当たるもの(技術)で、英語にしてもそうだけれど、長い時間をかけないと得ることのできない「Skill」をもっともっと磨いていきたいと思う。そして、その武器を生かせる場所を考えると、日本ではなく海外の方が可能性が多いにあり、時にとても寂しく思う。

とにかく、イギリスの放射線技師免許の審査結果が出るのはまだまだ先だから、動きたくても動けない苦しい時期を耐え抜く必要があるけれど、5年後10年後を見据えてモチベーションを保って毎日生活をしていこうと思う。

Sunday, 19 June 2011

Life's worth living for

Who knows what could happen
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day

Friday, 17 June 2011

Thursday, 16 June 2011

If my memory serves me right, I'll never turn back time.

「人の縁」って不思議なもので、その人が何かの岐路で悩んでいるときに偶然出会うことができる。

今日の仕事は、高校の先生の健康診断だったけど、昨日の超忙しい癌センターでの仕事と打って変わって、「これで給料をもらっていいのか」と思うくらい暇だった。あまりに暇すぎて、高校の事務員からお茶をいただいてしまった。そんなお茶会の中、他の医療スタッフと話す機会があり、旦那さんの仕事の関係でアメリカに住んでいたという50過ぎの看護師さんとお話をすることができた。超保守的な静岡のこんな田舎にもそういう方がいることに驚きは隠せなかったけれど、話の内容は僕がBlogで書いている内容と同じだった。(長谷部誠の本の内容も、イギリス生活を通して得た自分の考えとかなり近くてびっくりした)最終的に「外国に行けるチャンスがあるのなら、もう少し頑張ってみな」と言われたし、よく話をする一回り以上上のドライバーさんにも「妥協したら後悔するんだから、自分のやりたいことをやれ」と毎回言われる。

日本を離れる前までの自分には、一生付き合っていきたいような友達や知り合いはほとんどできなかったけれど、イギリスに行って以降に出来た友達・知り合いは、一生付き合っていきたい人たちばかり。自分が変わるにつれて周りにいる人たちが変わっていくのがよく分かるけど、日本にいる自分と近い世代の人たちとはどんどん合わなくなってきていることが、時に寂しかったりする。

知らなければ幸せだったと思うけど、前に進んでしまった以上もう後ろには戻れない。いつか落ち着くところが見つかるといいなぁ。

明日で9連勤が終わるけれど、大学病院時代の最高13連勤に比べるとこんなところでヘコ垂れちゃだめだと思う。いろんなことがあって心が折れそうになるけど、常にポジティブに考えて頑張ろう。

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

七転び八起き

世の中便利なもので、昨日のPC問題はハードディスクを取り出してデータを移すことで解決した。

残念ながら、3年半使ったノートパソコンはご臨終で、昨日頼んだACアダプタとバッテリーは使い物にならなくなっちゃったけど、オークションで売ってみようと思う。

普通の人では絶対に起こらないようなことが普通に起こるから気疲れは多いけど、いつもなんだかんだ解決できるから「いい経験」でしかない。

このBlogによく出てくる日本代表キャプテン長谷部誠の本「心を整える」や長友の本「日本男児」にもあるように、「進む道を選ぶときは大変な道を選ぶ(自分の場合は、向こうから勝手にやってくる)」ことは、成長する上で必要不可欠だなぁとつくづく感じた。

今日は朝早くから仕事だったけれど、移動中寝るわけでもなく、最終的にPCの問題も解決できたし、気持ちの問題で疲れなんて忘れて過ごせることが分かってよかった。本を1日で読み終わったりetc...、なんでこういう生活を中学生くらいのときからできなかったのか不思議になる。昔は老けてたなぁ。

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

黒猫の予言

さきほど出先から帰ってきたけど、予定より早く着いたから仕事をしようと普段使っているノートパソコンの電源を入れておいたら、勝手に電源が落ちて完全に壊れた。バッテリーだけでなくてACアダプタまでヤラれたのが大きな原因だと思うけど、このPCの中に超重要なファイルが入っているから何とかしたい。

すぐにバッテリーとアダプターを注文したけど、いつ届くのかは分からない。とにかく、残り30日を切ったイギリスの放射線免許の書類提出期限までには間に合ってほしい。

それにしても、つくづく自分は不幸の星の下に生まれたなぁと思う。普通に起こらないことが起こりすぎて、悲観するどころか逆に笑いが出てくる。経験上「こういうことが起こるときは、必ずいいことが起こる前触れ」のことが多く、すでに前を向いているから大丈夫だけど、嫌なことに慣れすぎるってのもある意味寂しい。

明日は朝4時には起きなきゃで、今日は今日でいろいろあって・おまけに朝早くから仕事してたけど、本当に充実した1日だった。

また試練がやってきたけど、きっと乗り切ることができる。もし仮にうまくいかなかったら、それは自分の運命で、イギリスには固執するなってことかもしれない。

とにかく、1日一生懸命生きれば何かあるんじゃないかな。

Thursday, 9 June 2011

読書とこぼれ話

岡本太郎の本を読んで以降、面白そうな本に出会う機会がありませんでしたが、やっと見つけました。読み終わったら、タイトルと感想を述べたいと思います。学生時代は、まっっっっったくといっていいほど本を読まない人間でしたが、いつの間にか「時間があれば読書をする」癖がついて、本を読んでいない時は生活リズムが非常に悪いことに気がつきました。どんな本を読んでいるかのヒントは、「人間、親や人種・環境など生まれたときに平等に与えられていないものは多いけど、時間だけは平等に与えられている」です。

話は変わって、ここのところよくサッカー日本代表の主将を務める長谷部誠選手がテレビにでています。彼は小学校中学校1つ下の後輩にあたりますが、うちの妹と彼の妹は同級生ということもあり、母さんつながりがありました。小ネタは、今週末(6/11,12)は、地元藤枝の本屋でサイン会が行われるため戻ってきますが、今回の日本滞在は超ハードスケジュールらしく、時間があるときはホテルにこもり本などにサインを書いているそうです。また、今の地位にあぐらをかいているわけではなく、引退後のプランまできちんと将来を見据えているそうです。

ロンドンで出会った多くの友達然り、刺激をもらえる人間が身近にいっぱいいることは、とても幸せなことだと思いました。僕は運がいい!

Monday, 6 June 2011

Stick to it!

5月のGW明けに水泳を始め1ヶ月弱。2年以上振りの水泳にも関わらず、潜水25mが楽々クリアでき、大学病院時代の状況に比べ禁煙の効果がかなり出たことに感動した初日だった。

それから週2,3回のペースで通い、一気に2000m以上を1時間もかからずに泳げるようになった。水泳は小学校の時に4年間ほどやっていただけだけど、こんなに泳いだことはなかったからびっくりしている。まだまだ体重は落とす必要があるけれど、25歳をすぎている(肉体的に下降線)ことを考えると、今までは全力で生きてこなかったのかなぁと感じてしまう。

あえてアルバイトで仕事をしているため給料は思った以上に少ないけれど、大学を卒業してからの、無理をしてきた6年間からの療養期間としては、非常に充実た毎日を送っていると思う。

とにかく今気を付けていることは、日本は色々なものがあるため、それに対する「欲」と毎日戦っている。実際、日本での生活は楽だけれど、自分のゴールとしてここで終わりにはしたくない。以前もblogに書いたけれど、大学病院で仕事を始めてからの1年目は、お金を貯めたり、英会話に行ったり、「自分の目標」に対して「ブレていなかった」。しかし、夜勤をするようになり収入が増え、車を買い、彼女ができたら、仕事を始めた当初の「目標」を見失い、違う方向に行ってしまった。全てを否定をするつもりはないけれど、僕は器用じゃないから、何かひとつに集中しないと大きな目標は達成できないと思う。とにかく我慢の日々があと1年ほど続くと思うけど、頑張ろう。

Friday, 3 June 2011

BAARIA(邦題:シチリア シチリア:はっきり言って、邦題なんか付けるな)



この映画は、僕のBest Cinemaである、Cinema Paradisoと同じ監督:ジュゼッペ・トルナトーレ(おまけに音楽担当も同じ:エンニオ・モリコーネ)の映画で、映画情報を得るときに使う「みんなのシネマレビュー」では評価が低かったものの、個人的にかなり面白い(=興味深い)映画だった。

共産主義の影響、マフィアの支配etc...とCinema Paradisoに似ているところがかなりあり、カメラワークと音楽のコンビネーションという設定までそっくりだった。今回のは特に、家族の絆を強めに出していると思った。時代の変化と共に街の風景を少しずつ変えたり、俳優の成長・外見の変化を特殊メイクで上手に表現したり、ものすごく細かい変化まで凝っていて、奥が深かった。

印象に残ったところはラストシーンで、わざと、子供の頃の主人公を現代の世界に持ってきて、「街が過去のいろいろな歴史から成り立っている」というメッセージを投げかけると同時に、「時代の変化の代償」を表しているようにも感じた。「みんなのシネマレビュー」のコメントにあったように、「監督の好きな古きよきイタリアが、今はもうない」が、この映画の趣旨だと思う。

現在僕は実家で生活をしていますが、10年ぶりに地元で生活をしています。昔は田んぼだらけだった家の周りから駅周辺までがらっと変わっていて、昔の思い出がいっぱい詰まった風景がないのはとても寂しい。そんな中、今も変わらず昔のままの風景を見ることができた時は、昔を思い出して今日の自分の成長を感じます。

変わったのは自分の中身で、変わらないのはそこにずっと住み続けている人達の思考。

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Asians Just Aren't Cool Enough.

It's a very interesting video and I totally agree that Asians Just Aren't Cool Enough. Unfortunately I'm Asian and experienced in Europe that Asian men are also the bottom class in colored. I really envy Caucasian and Latin.

僕は、他のアジア人がどう評価されようが、ヨーロッパで一目置かれるAsianになる。

Monday, 23 May 2011

Steve Aoki

自分の中で、今最もcoolなJapanese(Japanese American)の一人。


世界的に有名な鉄板焼チェーン紅花の息子の一人で、あのハリウッド女優Devon Aokiの異母兄弟でもあることにびっくりした。

で、さらにビックリしたのが、かなり前(10年近く前)にSteve Aokiに六本木で偶然遭遇していた。最近気づいたことだったけれど下の写真がそうで、「Public Phoneはないのか?」と聞かれて、見つけられなかった代わりに、自分の携帯を貸しただけ。そのときに教えてもらったレコード会社はちゃんと存在していて、Keep in touchしておけば良かったとすごく思う。



ビデオで気付いたけれど、彼は「左利き」。世の中の物の多くは右利き用に作られているから、左利きの人にとっては普段の生活は利き腕ではない方を多く使って生活することになる。だから、「思考回路が普通の人と違うように発達して、天才型が多く生まれる」と思う。オバマを始め、アメリカの大統領は左利きが多かったはず。Minorityは羨ましい。

Sunday, 22 May 2011

外見というコンプレックス

相変わらずテレビで、「日本人は白人黒人と同レベルで、東南アジアや南米など国々より上」のようなことをやっているけれど、なんで現実を伝えないのかと思う。外見で日本人が白人を見分けられないのと同じように、海外では彼らは日本人と中国人や韓国人との違いが分らなく、よっぽどのことがない限り一緒にされる。おまけにこの2つの国(北朝鮮を入れて3つの国)は評判がすこぶる悪い。

僕の経験から、ヨーロッパでは白人とカラード(有色人種)の間にGapがあるにしろ、有色人種の中で黒人とヒスパニック(ラテンアメリカ)が同レベルで、Chineseと一括りされるアジア人が最下層に位置していると思う。ヒスパニックはなんだかんだ白人の血が入っているし、黒人はスポーツや音楽などで市民権を得ているけれど、アジア人はあまりそれがない。Academicの世界では逆にアジア人が多いようだけど、容姿も影響してGeneralな考えではまだまだ。日本人女性はmodestなのでこれに当てはまらないし(多くの男性から人気があるのは当然だと思う)、移民の国アメリカは別。

で問題は、自分の属する"アジア人男性"の位置付けだと思う。外見も内面も本当に非常に残念な存在。自分もこのclassに属してしまうわけで、いろいろ悩んだとこを思い出す。それでもロンドンでの良い思い出の1つに、PublicなところでLady Firstをすると、たとえそれがアジア人だったとしてもそれなりのreactionを返して貰えるということがあった。文化が違うにせよ、Western社会にも関わらずこういうことをやらないからアジア人は見下されるのかなぁって思う。

性格的にRebelしたくなるというか、こんな現状を知ってしまうと、外見では絶対に白人男性に勝てないからこそ、彼らが持っていないような内面的・能力的な何か(料理等...)を持たなければとついつい張り合おうとする。これからのGlobalisationから取り残される平和な日本での生活か、大変な海外での生活を選べるとしたら、やっぱり海外で挑戦したい。

最後に、外見よりも中身を見てくれた友達には感謝。

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Only shooting stars break the mold!

現在審査中のイギリスでの放射線技師免許申請。あれだけ「Verification Letterは必要ないのか!?」と職員に確認しておきながら、「やっぱり必要」と手紙が来た。おまけに期限があるため、しっかりとした書類を作らないとイギリスで頑張った2年半が全部水の泡になってしまう。

とにかく、持てる力を総動員して必死で書類をつくろうと思う。30日間で仕上げなければいけれど、唯一の救いは「想定内」だったこと。やはり、海外のような滅茶苦茶な所での生活に一度慣れてしまうと、いい意味でタフ(打たれ強く)になるため、ある程度のことには動じないし、トラブルや困難にはその都度対応していこうという度胸(変な落ち着き)がついてしまう。

どこかの組織に所属しないで、自分の力だけで生きていくことは本当に大変だけど、「自分で、自分の人生・将来を切り開いている」感じで、おまけに「この苦労が絶対自分を強くする・成長できる」って思うようになってきて、すごくテンションが上がる。

ここ1ヶ月ないがしろにしてきたTax refundで手に入れた£300のchepue。どうやって日本からイギリスの銀行に振り込めるのか、せっかくだから一緒に対応策を考えようと思う。

つくづく、5月は忙しい月になる。占いはあまり信じたくないけど、統計学的に当たるのでついつい信じてしまう。自分の厄月は、3,5,9,10,11月。頑張って耐え抜こう。また、昨年の12月以降の反省から、忙しくなると周りが見えなくなり自分を見失うことから、スケジュール管理も徹底的に!

You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow

Sunday, 8 May 2011

甥っ子が来て思ったこと

今日の昼過ぎ、弟家族は帰った。うちは3人兄弟で、みんなアダルトチルドレン。もっといえば、両親もアダルトチルドレンだろう。これといってワイワイやることはなかったけれど、甥っ子のおかげで一時の笑顔が家庭内に広がった。両親にとっては初孫であり、新しい楽しみになって良かったと思う。普通の家庭と違い、家庭内にいろいろと問題はあったけれど、弟が結婚して家庭を持ったことで、ある程度普通に近づいたと思う。後は、妹が婿さんを見つけて実家に住んでくれれば、僕は心置きなく実家を出れる。

大学病院での仕事を辞めた時。それは、両親が息子に希望する人生のレールから降りることができた時で、祖母も口うるさくいっていた「いい高校、いい大学を出て真面目に働いていれば...」という洗脳から解放された時だと思う(実際、バカ高校・バカ大学で、就職先の大学病院だけが超一流だった)。社会に出て気づいたことは、自分は「自分の意志を持たないマニュアル人間」だったってこと。よく自分を押し殺して頑張ってきたと思うし、当然25までの人生なんか全く楽しくなかった。

子供は親・祖父母のオモチャじゃない。常に何かしら干渉するのではなく、「一人の個人」としてきちんと扱ってあげなきゃ可哀想だと思う。特に、少年期は親・祖父母の権力が絶対なのだから。いろいろな原因があって家庭内はメチャクチャだったけど、ホントみんなよく頑張ったと思う。

僕の人生は、ロンドンに来てからが本当の自分の人生だと思う。苦労は耐えなかったけれど、自分の足で一歩一歩階段を登っているような感じだった。楽をしたいなぁって思ったり、周りの人が幸せそうな姿を見て、羨ましいって思う時もあるけれど、「普通の人よりスタート地点が遅れている」と認識しているから我慢できるし、今までのことをすべて背負い込むことができるくらい自分の運命を受け入れたと思っている。

今日は早速水泳場に行ったものの休館日。明日は、最後になるお茶刈りの手伝い。頑張ろう。GWが終わるのと同時に、いったんこのBlogを休憩します。また気が向いたら、勝手に書き始めると思います。それでは。

Saturday, 7 May 2011

全員集合

弟が嫁さんと子供を連れて昨日実家に来た。会ってそうそう「太った」と言われ、週2のジム通いと畑仕事では未だに効果が出ていない。ロンドンのUNIQLOを辞めて以降、もの凄い勢いで体重が増えたことから、体質的に太る可能性が。

15kg落とすことを目標に、最後の手段水泳ダイエット取り組むことに。腹周りの脂肪を落とすのがメインで、Miserableな体型を披露しなければいけない羞恥心から減量効果倍増を期待。

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

療養期間を利用して

東のエデン(エデンの東ではない)の劇場版のDVDを借りにゲオに入ったら、明日まで旧作・準新作が1週間50円(アダルトは除く)でした。以前、フランス人のフラットメイトに「日本人のくせに、なんで黒沢の映画を見たことがないんだ!!!」と怒られたことを思い出したので、「7人の侍」を始め何本かDVDを借りることにしました。

個人的にはLoads of Dogtown, Coach Carter, The Motorcycle Diaryiesのようなミニシアター系の映画が好きですが、今回は「Life is Beautiful」「グラディエーター」「硫黄島からの手紙」を借りてみました。今のところ、自分のベストムービーは「Cinema Paradiso」なので、これを超える映画をみたいものです。

実際、DVDだけではなく漫画も借りることができ便利だなぁと感心していましたが、Blogを書きながらlovefilm.comというサイトで映画をダウンロードできたり、インターネット上に無料で映画が転がっていることを思い出して、デジタル時代についていけていない自分にがっかりしました。

評価:◎,〇,□,△,✖
グラディエーター:✖・・・Wasting Time
東のエデン:◎・・・奥が深い。TVシリーズ・劇場版ⅠⅡと全部見て、話が繋がる。経営者や年功序列で甘い汁を吸っている人達へ、日本の抱えるニート・フリーター問題を投げかけるような内容を、上手くストーリーに取り込んでいると思う。普通に正社員で仕事をしている側から見るとつまらない作品なのかもしれない。海外の雇用体系と比較して、日本の雇用体型・社会システムに不満を持っているため、とても面白い作品だった。
Trainspotting:□・・・懐かしいBritish AccentやLDNの町並。Drug,Sex...日本にいると偏向報道で海外を美化されてしまうけど、あれが現実の世界。ラストシーンの主人公が自分の将来に向かって歩きだしていくところは良かった。
あと、僕にはCigaretteやDrugはいいや。あれは白人の体に合うモノでアジア人の体には効き過ぎると思う。Chose your friends, Chose your future, Chose life...
Stand By Me:△・・・It's hard to listen to American English.少年期のいいことも悪いことも経験した「仲間・友情」を大人になって振り返るところは好きだけれども、「12歳のガキがヤニ吸って銃ぶっ放す」設定に、アメリカという国の文化のなさを疑う。
硫黄島からの手紙:◎・・・歴史をしっかり知った上で、将来に向かって進んでいけば、過去の過ちは繰り返さないと思う。日本人が見なきゃいけない映画。

Wednesday, 27 April 2011

自然の中での生活

親戚の家に、田植えの準備としての「籾撒き」とお茶刈りの手伝いに行ってきた。

普段、舗装された歩きやすい道に慣れている者にとって 田んぼや農道を歩くことは足に重りをつけて歩くようなもので、自分の足腰が昔に比べてかなり弱ってきていることが実感できた。5月中旬まで手伝いに行くための、自分にとって良い運動になりそうで楽しみになった。また、自然の中で汗を流し作業をすることの充実感と、こういう労働のあとに食べるご飯のおいしさは、格別だ。農業が本職ではないため、実際の苦労を知ることはできないが、このような経験ができることは幸せなことだと思う。

お茶工場で気がついたことは、農業年齢の超高齢化があげられる。一般社会での定年は60もしくは65だと思うが、農業においては80くらいではないかと思う。現に親戚の婆ちゃんは数え年で77、それでも何食わぬ顔で畑仕事をする。僕が思うに、明治から戦後の苦労を経験してきた人達は凄く強い。だから、日本は敗戦の荒野から復興することができた。これからますます加速するGlobalismの流れの中で、日本人が国際人として生きている上での必要なことは、この世代の人たちの思考を参考にすることではないだろうか。

「風の男:白州次郎」という本を読んだが、その中に出てくる吉田茂首相の明治人の気質をしることができ、あの当時の世界に影響を与えていた日本人を尊敬する。

また、最近岡本太郎の本を読んで「人間の本質」について、ものすごく考えさせられている。白洲次郎の本しかり、海外の経験がこの本と出会う機会を与えてくれたと思っている。内容的にも、イギリス生活を通して知った西洋の考え方が彼らの思考にも大きな影響を与えていることが読んでいても感じることができる。

次回のBlogは、岡本太郎の本を読みイギリスで経験したこととシンクロするところがあるので、そこについて書こうと思います。

Thursday, 14 April 2011

前へ!

世の中便利になったもので、Globalismを加速させているインターネットを介しての世界中の人たちと簡単に連絡が取ることができます。

僕がイギリスで会った多くの友達は10代後半から20代前半と若く、久しぶりに彼らの今していることをyoutubeで知りました。ものすごい勢いで成長している姿に衝撃を受け、日本で足踏みをしている自分の今の現状にもどかしさを感じました。

現在、本田総一郎の言葉を借りると「何にも仙人」の状態。こんな時だからこそ、本をできるだけ多く読み知識を貯めることと、英語の勉強に時間を割こうと思っています。今ほとんど仕事のない1st jobですが、いずれ忙しくなるだろうと信じています。

話は変わりまして、先日をこのblogに書いたように白洲次郎の本をまず2冊読み終わりました。今まで散々2次大戦のことを肯定してきましたが、真珠湾攻撃前の東条英機を始めとする軍事政権側の行動と、なんとしてでも開戦を阻止しようとしていた吉田茂側の話を読んで、考え方が変わりました。僕個人として、ネット上にあふれている情報は戦争肯定の意見が多く、「ハルノート」提出というコミンテルンに踊らされたルーズベルト大統領率いるアメリカの愚行がメインに描かれています。しかし、このハルノートが提出される前の話を知ることができれば、日清・日露、1次大戦と、当時負け知らずだった日本の思考もおかしな方向に行ってしまっていたことを残念ながら認めざるをえません。まだまだ、勉強不足の自分をを痛感しました。

またこの本から、日本国憲法ができる裏側の苦労やその後の復興等、現在の豊かな生活のできる日本人の多くが「自分の国を愛する」というところで、本当に知らなければいけない歴史ではないのかと思いました。

Sunday, 10 April 2011

復活!

日本に戻って、「頑張って日本のルールに合わせよう」とするあまり、自分の信念を見失っていたことに気付いた。

スターバックスでは「年が上の割に新人」ということで下手下手に出ていたら、残念ながらそれをいいことにパワハラがあった。もしここがイギリスなら、ご存知の通り「この挑発」を買っていたに違いないが、「ここは日本」ということがあり、ついつい耐えてしまった。今思うと、これが日本の悪い文化で、さらなるパワハラを生むのではないかと、やっと気づくことができた。もともと体育会系であったため、変な精神論が出てきてしまうが、この考えは「一番大事な自分の意見を抑える」ことにつながると思う。

実は、あと3日スターバックスに行かなければいけない。日本のルールとして、きちんとした形で辞めるようにと言われたが、誰が「一身上の都合」と物事の本質をハッキリさせずに辞めてやるかと思う。相手を辞めさせようとしておきながら、あと3日はシフトが決まっているから(人が足りない)来いというのは虫がよすぎる。きっと僕が日本の社会しか知らなかったら文句を言わずに出勤するだろうけど、会社や同僚のために働くのではなく収入を得るだけの仕事なので、自分の意見をハッキリ言うことにした。「立つ鳥跡を濁さず」というけれど、悪い経営者や同僚をさらに調子つかせるだけなような気がする。また、6カ月間以上も新人が定着していないことからも、そういう職場だったことがよくわかるいい例だった。

2年半外から日本を眺めることで、今まで気づくことのできなかった日本のいいところ、隠された歴史を知ることができ、とても日本が好きになった。日本社会のギズギズ感は予想していたけれど「予想以上」だった。ただ、「ギスギス度合い」がどのくらいなのか今回の経験を通して知ることができ、また一歩前進したように感じた。

日本に戻ってからたった6週間で、魂を奪われるとは思わなかった。僕の中に眠ってしまった「熱いハート」を、心の寂しい日本人が再び呼び起こしてくれたことに感謝しなければいけない。精神的に落ち着くまでに1日かかったけれど、イギリスにいたころのいつもの自分に戻れた気がする。七転び八起き!

もっと自信を持とう。自分が生き生き生活できるのはどちらか。答えは出た!

We come into this world
And We are all the same
And in that moment there's no one to blame